Logo :D

Oh my goodness my art is starting to look professional!!! I made this for my tree necklaces!!! on sell now!

Remember

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free." ~Ronald Reagan~

Freedom is not free…

Remember where you were… Remember who you were with… Remember what you saw… Remember what you felt…Remember what was lost and Grasp it with you whole heart and soul Always through your lives. For in that one moment the nation was one in our dis-believe meant. We all turned in stunned silence across a vast nation to two burning buildings. We as people watched in horror as people we all didn’t know, and never will know, lost their lives. In that moment we were of one heart in our shock and our sorrow…

I remember that day I was nine years old, I didn’t know what was happening, I  couldn’t grasp it. But I remember feeling it, I felt the shock, sorrow and rage in the air. The country was full of it because in that moment it didn’t matter who you are… you were effected. I am strong believer that everyone is connected through the people we know and lives we live. And EVERYONE was affected by that day. It’s one of those days that changed the course of so many lives. Personally I can’t remember a day where the impact of this day hasn’t effected my life. This moment changed the course of my life, and I didn’t even feel the complete loss of those that lose a spouse, a parent, and a child…

Yesterday I walked into memorial for September 11, 2001. When I walked into the room I didn’t even know that it was for. But as I entered into the room I felt I different atmosphere, it was unnaturally still with a somber silence. I was drawn to the smaller room in the center. As I walked into this make shift room I stood in front of a mirror that showed me and the walls around me. Looking closer I saw that they were covered in cards hanging on the walls with all the obituaries of the innocent people that were killed in those two towers, printed on them. The sure number alone was enough to move you. When I looked through them I noticed other people had written notes and hung them alongside the pictures of those people. I read some, explaining what they felt that day, if they lost some one and what they remember. But the one that moved me to tears was one I found out that was written in the unsteady hand writing of a child, it said “this is very sad”. Nothing else come to mind more than the blunt words of that child, that wasn’t even born at the time.

The connection of that moment brought a country together, and no matter how we disagree with each other views, values and lifestyles. We have this moment that connects us all.

Our troubles haven’t stopped in fact they’ve worsen. But We CAN NOT live in despair. As nation We rose with our lit candles and felt each others tears. As a nation we held each others hands And we held tight as we lifted each other. We stood as one, we were an UNITED NATION. As the day the Revolution was won, as the day the Civil war ended, as the day the Pearl Harbor was attacked and our sleeping Giant awoke, as of day We had man on the Moon, as the day a King spoke of His dream,  We were together  as Nation should be.

 We are a great people, But most of all we are different kind of people, We Are Americans, we come from everywhere, and thus connected to everywhere. We are all connected, and don’t understand we all try so hard to be so different for each other. We are a people that need to learn to Stand up as One for what is right or we’ll fall for anything.

We are the people of this great nation, and Must believe in that we will always have this nation for Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. We must protect this nation with our very beings. And Must remember our history and those who died while making it. All those that stood up for our freedom are our mighty people, all those that have been Lost for the greater good of this nation will be remember as heroes And those that believe in a Greater tomorrow will have the strength of this nation to stand up against those who hunt our Freedom.

Remember…

Freedom is not free, it is bought by Courage, Faith, Blood, Tears and most of all Hope. Please Always Remember that this is our land, Our Home! We Must stand together as one Country, One People, and One Hope for a better tomorrow!!

Bless the families that are burdened with empty chairs and think of the unsung heroes that gave up their lives protect the country they fought for and loved. Bless the spouses that sleep alone tonight in bed much too big for one. Bless the children that will never know a parent and bless the ones that were only left with memories of great parents. Bless the daughter that will walk down the aisle alone. Bless the son that can never call their mothers to say the baby is healthy. Bless the children that had to bury their parents and siblings to soon.. Bless the parents who had to bury a child because of tragedy and war because there’s is Nothing in this world is more heartbreaking than a parents tears. Please don't let these lives be wasted! Please Remember not to forget.

Please everybody take a moment today and remember the people who died on this dark day. Please Remember the brave soldiers that have died overseas because of this war that ensued after this day. Please Remember that because of these soldiers we remain Free. Remember because their many, many miles away protecting this great nation, we sleep calmly tonight. While the some of our heroes’s families go to bed and about their lives, with the knowledge they'll be always one empty chair at the dinner table.

Always Remember and Never Give up Hope.

LET IT BEGIN!!!!

Well as some of you know that today was my first day of COLLEGE!!! Yeah no biggie….except my classes are AMAZING!!! So I started off my day by getting up at 5;40 (koda woke me up 10 mins before my alarm, he has a very bad habit of doing that….we’re going to have to work on that…. Anyways back to topic) So got up got ready and got out of the house at 6;40. Traffic was pretty easy and it was very easy to get down here, so easy I got here at 7;10 (not speeding at all) and my first was at 8….yeah. But it was great cause I got to explore a little before class.(aka wander around aimlessly until I found a place I like enough to draw comfortably) So about 7:40 I decided I go find my class. First you have to know that I was by the liberal arts building….

FIVE

          SETS

                     OF

                           STAIRS

                                        LATER……

(^like that I made stairs out of words :P)

And the through the whole Gunther technology building....umm i don't know how to make a maze out of words...

so yeah.

So to the first class...2D Design! so this the class i was wait listed for i was going to try to convince the teacher to add me. Great teacher and all I had to do is ask him and he said in two weeks when he could add me he would! which is Great because i'm so excited for the class!! Plus he handled out a supply list and i have almost everything under my desk at home :)
After my 2D design teacher was done talking he let us out an hour and half early. So as I was walking away from the Gunther tech building, I look up from trying to fix my headphones, and this guy is walking towards me smiling. My first thought was wow he's an RM, then I realized he was looking right at me. them I thought ummm strange guy.... THEN i realized it was Sterling! He's a guy I worked with at Lehi kneaders. (sorry sterling I didn't recognized you fast enough) I really don't think your a creeper!!

On to my next class which is humanities through art!! Needless to say I'm going to love this class. Except she doesn't allow computers which is bad for me cause I type a whole lot faster than I write, lucky for me she post all her power point online. Yeah Friday's class in going to the Springville Art Museum :D Good teacher kinda strict though.

Then I had a lovely break in the library, which is where I wrote most of this (i had already done my work mom...) Chilled enjoyed college to its fullest (well mostly)

Afterwards it was time for the class....


American Civilization!!!!

Alright so for a preface, I knew going into the class that this was going to be my HARDEST class. Oh no that did not prepare me for it... not by a long shot!!

So I walk into this class, noted I was 10 mins early and already there's 50 something people already in there. Then my teacher starts talking everything was going fine and dandy. THEN she all the sudden starts into a lecture and all of us go wait WHAT! Thankfully like a good student I had my computer out and i was ready!! Yay for me! But oh my goodness this is defiantly is going to be my hardest class. Well I guess i've got to have at least one :P

Then Afterwards I was walked to my car, which I was parked in the parking lot with out a permit (such a rebel i am) But as soon as I got in my car I saw the guy giving out tickets in the row right before the one I was in. Oh my goodness I booked it out of there! Sometimes I can have a little bit of good luck!!

All in All School is great and I'm so excited to continue! I'll keep you all updated! 

For Amber

I'm the kind of person that's not a huge sharer of problems and the real emotions that I'm feeling, Right now I'm feeling too much to bare any longer so please feel free to read on and maybe give a hand of support as I go through this. Sadly the writing might not be the best cause my emotions are getting the better of me. So please bare with me...I really not one to ask for help but I just cant go through this alone. So here I go...

As you have read my blog or know me in real life you know I am A huge animal person. I'm the kind of person I know people's animals names before theirs. I don't know why, I guess i was born that way.
But for Anyone that's ever know me You know that my whole world revolves around my dog Amber.
Some might find that silly for be dependent of a dog and love her more than anything but I do! She is my world might strange strange for you to hear but read on and I'll tell you why.

Lets go back to my My Ninth grade Year.... Dreaded Middle school. Everyone says they hated middle school, but for me it was a personal hell. I entered into the worst years of my life here's a little background info, I had move for Colorado to Utah which surprising that turned out to be one of the best things for me. In Colorado I was a freak, labeled in my 3rd grade year and unfortunately you never out live that. I had one wonderful best friend that made school life bearable. Michelle Bury I would like to thank you here, for always being a wonderful friend to me. Other than Michelle i didn't have many real dependable friends, But i didn't really care, Ive never really cared for human company. It's not that i hate people its just I've been bullied most of my life that Ive toughen to not care about them. But you put me and anywhere near an animal I melt into a different person. Ive always had a connection with animals of all sorts. But you want to see me at my very happiest get me near a dog. Off the point but will be useful later on.
So back to middle school, when I moved here I thought Id try befriending people instead of just animals. My 8th grade year that worked well. I had great friends i was getting along great with family and  but the summer before ninth grade things Started to change the girls I had become friends with (who all will remain nameless) i don't know started being more cliche maybe cause I wasn't really cool enough or I didn't quite fit in the group but slowly through ninth grade distancing themselves from me. Which I didn't really notice cause I was head over heals in love with my first love (will remain nameless due the embarrassment on his part) but that love ended with a sudden stop on his part and I don't maybe he just didn't feel that way towards me but he moved on quickly from our "awkward ninth grade relationship". But I didn't...I'm the type of person that I am very loyal and dedicated to my friends and to anyone that needs me, A very dog Like trait, which I am ok with because that's who I am. But back then it was my undoing, I spiraled out of control. I reach out for my friends desperately but they only reach out half hearty. Maybe it could be that they didn't really know what was happening to me but I losing myself....
and then my world went gray....

Honestly I can't remember most of those days, cause I wasn't really there.... I wore simple black and kept the background I talked as little as possible and lived even less. My life was meaningless, I had Zero purpose. And I became the freak again... I was the first 'Emo' people had seen and it was before it's "cool" or "in" to be emo. Like I said I can't remember Most of that year but i have the scars and the poetry from it and as I reread it i can feel the emotion...it was just  a very dark time in my life. Not many people knew this but I was quite ready to give it up, the pain I felt wasn't worth putting up with... Now you probably wondering why am I telling you this and want does this have to do with Amber. Well you have to know where a person has been to know where and who they are today.

You have to know What its like to lost in the dark with nothing to appreciate the warmth and love of Life.

Now apparently I didn't do anything too horrible or I wouldn't be writing this right now, and we can owe that to Amber.

In the time that I was really thinking about giving it all up, is the time where she entered my life. I was going to one of my only friends house for a sleep over, which I don't even remember that night. On the way down my Daddy saw a sign for puppies and it stuck with him for some reason. So when he got  home he convince my mother to go "just look" at them, but he had to run up stairs and get the check book :).
So the next day I was picked up and brought home. And I remember my mom being instant the i go left Bailey (our cocker spaniel) out of her kennel. And do this day I can remember turn the kennel and seeing her for the very first time. There she was sitting in kennel this little Red fluff ball, she looked at me and


That's the moment I broke free from my depression and the world started to repaint it's self starting with the color, red.

My parents had already named her amber because of her color. which ironically had been the only name I had thought of that Id like for one of my children (if I ever do have children). But she became my little girl quickly and I started to recover. Since the 2 second day she was sleeping my room, and 4 years she always did. Which I grew so accustomed to that I can't fall asleep alone often and if I do sleep it s restlessly.

She grew bigger and stronger every day. With her right by my side I took the steps to realizing who I was and How strong I can be. Yeah life wasn't peachy but I had someone Always on my side. Someone that would listen to me no matter what. Someone that was always happy to see me, not matter what I wore, how i acted or who I was. She was there to welcome me home every day.

I remember when she was just tall enough that she figured out how to open my door so she could always be with me. I remember when we played tug a war and attempted to teach her fetch. To this day she's never grasped the concept of it :) I remember her "beast" it was a maroon donkey looking thing but she loved it. She completely destroyed the 'beast' she figured out how much fun it was. But to this day I will still find pieces of him :D. Oh she's so intelligent, she knows which stuff animals are hers to destroy and which ones are mine, which are not to be touched. And the she is picky about her toys, it was takes her longer to destroy the Bunnie stuffed animals.

I remember the time we found our secret hide away for the first time. I world disappeared when We are there and its just us in that instant, I don't want or need anything else but her company.

She's a weird one which suits me find cause I'm a weird one too. She watches TV, she likes the discovery channel, wipe out, all dog movies and Up! She opens doors, at one point I was almost getting her to close doors (yeah she kinda gets it). She collects socks, she doesn't chew then up, just collects them. At one point she learned that if I couldn't find my shoes I didn't leave so she used to hide my shoes, usually just the right one. She always hide them in the side yard so that trick didn't last long. Then she learned that when I came home that she could help me. I can not walk into the house with a jacket or scarf on with out her taking it and going and putting on my bed (most time it gets dropped on the way there). She know the names of most of her toys and seems to understand most of what I'm trying to say when I talk to her.

She LOVES swimming, haha I remember the day I taught her to swim. she has always like siting the water of the waterfall out back. But one day we going to the lake and my boyfriend at the time, Brady was coming as well as Amber. Haha me and Brady were COVERED in nail marks for where she tried to climb up our arms out of the water, but other than that time she's been a water dog. On that adventure amber learned how to ride a wave runner One of other times I remember at the lake was the first time she saw me wake board. She according to my mother freaked out and went crazy. when I was done wakeboarding,  she ran to the back of the boat and dived into the water and swan to me :)

Did you know Amber plays air hockey? Oh yeah she's an amazing goaly. She loves the game and do what it takes to stop the puck :) Unfortunately for us she also likes stealing the puck so we don't have good puck for very long.

She Loves the rain which something we share. There has so many storms we played it the rain and came inside soaked to the bone. With big grin on our faces we learned to dance through many of life storms.

She is the only that's been there every time Ive been hurt, sad and angry. She's licked away my tears and snuggle up to me during my other problems. She's Kept my bed warm all those cold winters nights. She knows me better than I do, and marvel at her ability just to know what to do and how to be there for me.

 She's my campion no matter where i go. There's been many afternoons that we have spent taking a drive and having random adventures exploring the world around us. We discover so many trails, parks, hidden meadows, and places to just us. As for an example were sitting at kneaders in draper as I'm typing this. We so regular her other don't even really notice us anymore :)

I know all her facial expressions and different noises. Like a mother knows what each thing means for her baby, I know with my little girl. Haha like how she likes the vacuum hose to be used on her, or like how she feels unhappy when I take her bandannas (oh yes she has multiple almost in every color) off. We usually match yep I'm very girly when it comes to us matching :D


She has been there through everything, through my darkest days, to the days I can't touch the ground.She has been my everything!! She's the reason I haven't move out. She's the reason that's there color in my world.

We are each others world and these worlds might be breaking a part... Over last few weeks she's gotten really sick and the vet thinks it's cancer. Were going to another vet to get a second opinion but it taken a huge emotionally and finically toll on me. I'm even more grateful for Andrew and Shauna Smith that have awarded me a scholarship to go to school. Cause with out it I would not be going to school this year. She's wasn't eating till a little bit ago (thank goodness for kneaders turkey being her favorite ) So will have too wait and see.

This is all so scatter brained and messy, that's not even scraping the surface of all that is amber. I could gone of pages and suddenly this blog spot would be come a book! I hope you English majors forgive me for my lack of structure and flow ness. But it's been more of a release for me right now. Ive been so emotional and stressed the last few weeks, that i just don't know what to do...so this is what I turned too. Maybe some of you will hear it and understand. Others might think I'm crazy. But whether you think I'm crazy or not. Please lend me your support and your prayers. Cause right now All I'm running on is Faith and a little bit of Hope. Cause without Faith hope and love what is the point of living. You never know when your going to lose in life's game of fate, So fight to live and fight for what you love. I'm not giving up on her and I'll do what it takes to make her better or give her peace. Keep us in your prayers, and have a little hope for Us.

She's my Best Friend in the whole world and I love her more than anything...

My Little Girl Amber

life

Sometimes life gets hard. So ill finish this post later

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PP :)

Sometimes a super hug is all you need to feel better! :)

PP GAH!

Sometimes i wish i could scream what im really thinking but instead i shut up and walk away

PP Love

My love is something is deeper. its a silent connection, its a simple as holding hands and as deep knowing exactly how the other is feeling by looking into thier eyes. Its long conversations that have meaning, its random adventures. Know the other person and still not bored by them. Idk how to explain it...

PP Mark

Because i want to leave this world leaving my mark on it. I want people to remember my actions and how they changed thier day, week, or even life. I want to remember as someone that strived to do go and tried to change the world for the better. I will not be remember as a horrid person id rather be forgotten. But if im not remember whats the point of doing anything

PP: heavy

Who knew carring 30lbs arcoss the harmons parking lot could be a work out!

phone post

So i just found out i can blog from my phone. Which would be amazing and way easier to use. This the test to see if it works :D

Well I'm bored....

So i'm super bored so I think I do some random rambling!!! YAY RANDOMNESS!!!

First off I'm not really excited this next week. Im working doubles every day, which is normal and i love my job but never fun.

Second I have MAJOR artist block just nothing is coming out, and its making me super angry!!!

Third I super stressed about getting my application perfect and sent in but I am way nervous, the kneader scholarship would be a major blessing in my life. Like Blessing above all blessings!!

Fourth I really hate not having enough time to just sit and read. Curse not having an english and math class to read in

Fifth I'm super excited for summer it was so nice the last to days and now its probably going to snow again. STUPID UTAH!!! make up your MIND ALREADY!!!

Sixth I love my new tomb raider game But i'm majorly stuck and boycotting it till I have more time to waste on. probably next sunday :D

Seventh My birthday is like 3 weeks and I'm not even excited for it....i just hope a work so I don't have to sit alone all night!

Eight I really don't why I've numbered all these and not used actual numbers...............oh well did you know the lakers have a guy on their team who has the chicken pox right now and 3 others haven't had the chicken pox. so the guy is pretty much lock in a box right now. worst timely ever dude... omg i just wrote about basketball....oh my

Ninth I have sat through so much sports and sports highlights this weekend I found myself watching them at home alone!! AHHH oh man i've done all this cause of a boy. A boy I can't even like cause i work with him and i've positive i'm not his type. But was super nice to relax with someone that just liked to sit there. But this guy is so different than the other guys I've dated. I've never liked the jock type. Maybe I like muscle but not to a point where it's ridiculous, i like them to be strong but not jacked, if you know what I mean. Anyways back to the guy he's totally the jock type. He's at that perfect point btw, I was at his house and I got way sleepy but it was time to leave. So as I got up I clung onto his arm to steady myself, omg all i got think about was how strong his arm muscle was and how good he smelled.....Oh no no no i can't like him. Any time I talk to him he's either been, at, going to the gym or watching sports (occasionally homework :P) Which his deal and respect that, but i'm not that way, I haven't been in a gym in like 2 years. Id  rather read or write or explore or just sit in a tree and stare out over the world. It's strange tho even he's mainly the jock type, he doesn't talk like it. He has a bull attitude with me and excepts me to do the same for him. Which freaked me out cause ever since 'him' i haven't really opened up to anyone. I know how to beat around the bush and how to smoothly answer but not really answer....know what I mean. But as I just chilled him watching sports highlights (i was really playing bubble popper) i found my self relaxed and comfortable with him, like I could do that everyday. BUT IT'S never going to Happen! we've hung out like 3 times and already our work thinks were dating, which reminds me i need to have a 'chat' with the person that made it sound like our bowling adventure was a date. Sigh idk and i don't really care, everything will pan out and everybody will see thats not how we are. I just like having a good friend, somebody to talk straight with and will talk back, sorry amber love ya but dogs aren't great at giving advice haha.

Tenth Oh my gosh I just wrote that huge rant about him, still not my type...

Eleventh DO i have a type??

Twelfth Whatever not going to happen

Thirteen I cleaned Dexter!!! yay he's all clean now, and ready for summer!!!

Fourteen I have a new obbession with listening these lectures on this website TED. Oh there so amazing!!!

Fifteen I hate writing essays!!

Sixteen i want to watch serect window now....me and the boy stated above were talking about it the other day and now I want to watch it.

Seventh I'm hungry

Eighteen Who ever is reading this your kinda wasting your time, cause thats what I'm doing

Nineteen watch kirby dance(-.-) (-.-)> ('.')>...<('.')> <('.'<) (>'.')> <(0.0)>...<(^.^)> <(^.^<) (>^.^)><(^.^<) (>^.^)><(^.^<) (>^.^)><(^.^<) (>^.^)><(^.^<) (>^.^)><(^.^)>........('.').....(-.-)* bored again.....

Twenty oh yeah I have food down stairs *goes and gets said food*

Twenty one now I want a grape soda.......weird

Twenty two I kinda wish I had more a life then this.....

Twenty three I realized I've been at this for like a hour now, man thats sad

Twenty four I wonder if he's done with his homework yet...

Twenty Five I really need to get my mind off this weird crush, I don't have time to like anybody

Twenty six Does anybody actually read this kind of stuff on other people blogs

Twenty seven Did anybody even read this

Twenty eight ah the great mysteries of lie

Twenty nine mysteries what a great word, it's up there right under euphoria :)

Thirty I done I going to go read a book or sleep or something.

Thank you for tuning into Jay birds Pointless ranting

The whole world stop...

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." ~Bob Marley
 
If haven't already guessed from the HUGE Bob Marley quote what I've been thinking about, your an idiot and shouldn't be reading my blog.
 
Love...
It's the one thing in this world that scares me more than doctors. And its the one thing in this life I want to truly find. Haha isn't it funny that it one of the only words that means everything and nothing at the same time. It means that you have opened you heart to someone and at the same time its dropped into meaningless empty small talk. It's the most Bipolar thing in the world! And yet everything about our lives start and end with love. Emotion and Passion are the basics of everything we do in life. Every Virtue and Vice is a direct result of love.
 
Every story is a love story....so when will my begin?
 
Haha I know I shouldn't be worried about love now I'm too young, too busy, You've got time, etc, etc. And trust me I'm not even close to be ready to get married. But am I ready for butterflies.
 
Through life I've realized I'm different, weird and very strange. I know this and I'm proud of it. I was always described as the lone wolf type. Which I guess did fit me, I think and act differently than other people and thus naturally i never did fit in. Yeah I had friends, "friends" and boyfriends through out school and my teen years. But the saddest thing was that I never had a best friend. I had best friends but never that one person that would be there with out a doubt. The person that was always straight up with me when I needed it and full of bull and false complements when I need them. That person that I could just do random crap with. That person I could tell ANYTHING and not worry about what they thought of it.
 
It's sad to think, I don't even have someone I'd even want to be my maid of honor. That's the best friends spot and i don't have someone to fill those shoes. Because most likely I'll marry my best friend. Maybe that's what my problem is that I always ended up dating the person that always got the closest to being my best friend, a boyfriend and a best friend are not the same thing.
 
Haha OK so I little back story. I'm not fond of girls as friends. They're maybe 4 girls in my life that I call good girl friends. I've never had good experiences with girls. When I first moved to Utah I made friends with 7 girls (6 in one main group and 1 outside the group). And i tell you this 6 girls together never works. The first to go was the person was the that I thought was my best friend here, But because I fell for the boy that she liked (That tragic story is for another day) and the boy liked me back, she decided I had stolen him. Which for the record I did not intentionally fall for him, actually I started liking him before he left for the summer (during I lost most intrest) and when he got back she was all into him, so I said I'd help her get him. But while trying to convince him to be with I felt myself falling for him. It's was like destiny, true love. She didn't see it that way, and she hated me for being happy. She started awful rumors and lies about me. In one month I had a reputation that I never deserved. She by herself destoried my high school experience, ruined the relationship that was destin to be (more on that another day) and reminded me why I didn't trust girls.


Then there were 5 in the group, and I'll tell you this if 6 was hard 5 is even worse. Because one day they simple decided they didn't want to be around any more. (and that was what one of them told me after I had been the only person that came to her rescue (another day). They simple stopped inviting me, not sitting by me at lunch, bus, class and then they just dimissed me when I tried. I'm the kind of girl that you have to punch in the gut to get her to cry but the abandonment I felt at that time brought me to probably one of the hardest crys of my life. And so after I was through crying, I adapted changed and grew a hell alot stronger.
 I realized that I could stand on my own two feet and keep my head up high. I'm pretty grateful I got kicked out when I did because all the betrayl and backstabbing that happened in that group of 4 girls but them through hell and back. (again another day). There's 2 of the the 6 of that i have any contact with and mainly it through facebook. The one girl on the side was my first friend in utah and one of the closest friends i've got (thanks Paige for being my friend) To all the rest of you girls, have a nice life. and please stay away. Sometimes I wonder how come why I can't understand girls even though. I am one!


So this explains we I don't have a best friend that a girl. But I had many wonderful best friends, later to be boyfriends, through out high school. But unfortanly None could measure up to my destiny love, but yet again a post for another day (theyll be a whole post on it) And thus I got bored, and hurt so many times slowly I've felt like I've forgotten how to love somebody and even more importanly letting anyone love me.


Simple Im scared of never finding love again and even more scared of finding it. But luckily I am young and I do have time to find him.
But for now I am ready to date and have those butterfly fellings with somebody that feels the same towards me. And I look forward to finding that person that you have that "thing" with.


That 'thing' that makes the whole world stop


It's now two am and this hopeless romantic, and passionate girl need to go to bed. Sorry the post is spacey and random. But remember it's not for you, it's for me!

Questions for the jar

So I want to write a blog post, but I had zero inspiration, as such I'm going to draw questions from the many Journal jars through out my room. Lets see where this goes, guess the journey always begins with the frist step or in this case first question :P

Okay first question: Where is my most favorite place to go?

Wow thats easy one!! The ocean ( i'm such a waterbender :D) Umm yeah I adore it!! I need to live by the ocean, some where I can swim and dive. Somewhere I can see fish, coral and aquatic plants :)

but I think the real inspration has hit so look forward to the next post

work in progress

i have the fetish with wings right now and I have two charcaters that i'll be playing around with for a little bit. here's the girl. More to come about her, wheres she at and why, with the finished piece. but till then enjoy (btw the guy will be posted shortly.

Day 02

A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
This is probably bending the rules, but my little girl Amber. SO she's not exactly a person but she's my best friend and the living creature that I'm closet to.

The Light House

The sky was dark that night,

With no hope in sight,
tears rolling down,
despair was the only sound,
But you were the light house in the dark,
my guiding lark,

My gentle touch when I was alone,
My map to guide me home
I reached safe shores,
I'm not lost anymore,

Now that you done all this,
I want to say thanks that you exist,
so when you lost and alone,
Something will find you that you should have know,
A single person will search to rescue you.
And I will set out find you and to wipe away your tears too.

Love?

Love?

What is love?
Is it just something as pure as a dove?
Is it just a show of fireworks?
And it just ends with me feeling like a dork,

Love is hard to try,
Now I know why,
It’s hard to open your heart,
Because love targets it with a fiery-dart.

How could something like this?
Happen to us,
How could it happen so fast?
Why did I think it would last?

Why can’t I get it?
I’m an idiot,
How could I be so blind?
That’s not what you had in mind,

Even though I say were just friends,
My love for you never ends.


Sometimes I wish,
That my memory would vanish,
All the pain, suffering, and worry,
Why was I in such a hurry?

So excuse me as I cry,
Maybe the angels might let their tears fall from the sky,
It was suppose to last,
That kiss was our final blast,

I can’t love you anymore,
Because you said love was just a bore.


This has happened to me before,
But this time it hurts so much more,
I won’t let it happen again,
I don’t need another endless fall of rain,
There no affection for you left in me,
So why won’t you let me be,
My eyes need a break,
So let me forget this heartache.
Well now I’ve written this all through,
I’ve decided I’ll get over you

Day 1

So today is a picture of my self and 15 facts about me. Here we go

1I'm a Girl thats okay with being a werido
2I'm an artist struggling to always get better
3I am a Music freak, I live all music of all kinds!! I get edgy when I don't have my music
4I am A tree hugging and animal rights hippy! I'm a zoology geek :)
5My hair is it's natural color a golden brown with a red tint to it
6Things that happy: Rain, amber, my friends, Planes, art and keys
7Favorite animals are A fox cause their so cute and sneaky, or a horse to run with such freedom, or a flying fox, cute and fly
8What i do a lot: draw and work
9If I could have one super power what would it be? being able to change into different animals
10My favorite colors are rain storm grayblue, orange, purple and black
11My  favorite smell is the smell of rain and wet trees, also Coffee and (new or old) books with a twist of  a old leather chair
12Place I'll visit before I died is Australia and Italy
13I like chillin on top of my car and on the roof, i like hieghts
14I LOVE planes and flying
15I'm a hopeless romantic

30 Day Challange

So I was reading my friends blog, and I want to steal from his blog and do it too!! so here I go!!

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

Hazy

This a video I made with some of my favorite pictures from other artist I love (most are Tyshea drawings) It's too my favorite love song, and probably top 5 of favorite any kind of songs :)

ARCHANGEL!!

So this is the Amazing drawing I did for my friend at work. It's Archangel for the X-men comics. He's not a character many people know of (most know of his son, angel) But this was my friends favorite character, and he better love it!

If you dont know the fun Jay fact of the day is i'm a MAJOR marvel comic nerd :D

 It took my about 20 mins to draw then about 15 hours and a whole blending pencil to draw. It's colored with Prismacolors :) And I had a bruise on my hand from the pencils, but so worth it. Now my next challenge is getting back to put in my portfolio if I ever get to apply for any art classes. Shown is the progression of the piece. Enjoy :)

Update on life

Short and sweet is I got super busy in life and forgot to spend anytime on my blog. If you will notice the name of the blog has been changed. One I wanted to have more personallity to the blog. Two I really suck at painting so the title didn't fit. The title fits and I was looking out over the whole valley while thinking of a name and it came to me :)
I have lots of art to post, and many more thoughts to write so I'm hoping I'm going to be adding alot more post in the next little while. It will be a good way to spend the time when I can't sleep :P

Work has been fun, was trying for a while but they gave me an easy week last week so I'm refreshed and ready to work even harder now :)

I finally got all my letters out to the missionarys i'm writing and I even got one back already :)

Amber is doing great, she's basically my little girl so I get to talk about her like a parent, HA! (btw to those that don't Know Amber is my Golden Retriever :P)

Disneyland is Next WEEK!!!! I'm way excitied (i just remembered that like 10 secs ago XD)

My list of books to read is getting longer instead of shorter but I'll have a long car ride to shorten that list :D

Oh I got my hair cut FINALLY its been since July my poor hair :P but I love it, not a huge change but just enough, i'm excited to see what cool nes hair do's I can do with it :)

Boy life is nonexistant but i'm okay. to those who have heard about the "latte boy" story, I'm still waiting but i don't think it will happen, oh well haha thats how it goes.

Art is going okay. Did an AMAZING picture for a guy at my work (will be posted soon) and I'm working a tron insprised picture (it's being tricky to work with)
Always looking for art ideas and subjects to write on (please feel free to suggest anything)

Well it's 2 am I should get some sleep, Goodnight :)

Waiting for her life to begin
Jay