The whole world stop...

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." ~Bob Marley
 
If haven't already guessed from the HUGE Bob Marley quote what I've been thinking about, your an idiot and shouldn't be reading my blog.
 
Love...
It's the one thing in this world that scares me more than doctors. And its the one thing in this life I want to truly find. Haha isn't it funny that it one of the only words that means everything and nothing at the same time. It means that you have opened you heart to someone and at the same time its dropped into meaningless empty small talk. It's the most Bipolar thing in the world! And yet everything about our lives start and end with love. Emotion and Passion are the basics of everything we do in life. Every Virtue and Vice is a direct result of love.
 
Every story is a love story....so when will my begin?
 
Haha I know I shouldn't be worried about love now I'm too young, too busy, You've got time, etc, etc. And trust me I'm not even close to be ready to get married. But am I ready for butterflies.
 
Through life I've realized I'm different, weird and very strange. I know this and I'm proud of it. I was always described as the lone wolf type. Which I guess did fit me, I think and act differently than other people and thus naturally i never did fit in. Yeah I had friends, "friends" and boyfriends through out school and my teen years. But the saddest thing was that I never had a best friend. I had best friends but never that one person that would be there with out a doubt. The person that was always straight up with me when I needed it and full of bull and false complements when I need them. That person that I could just do random crap with. That person I could tell ANYTHING and not worry about what they thought of it.
 
It's sad to think, I don't even have someone I'd even want to be my maid of honor. That's the best friends spot and i don't have someone to fill those shoes. Because most likely I'll marry my best friend. Maybe that's what my problem is that I always ended up dating the person that always got the closest to being my best friend, a boyfriend and a best friend are not the same thing.
 
Haha OK so I little back story. I'm not fond of girls as friends. They're maybe 4 girls in my life that I call good girl friends. I've never had good experiences with girls. When I first moved to Utah I made friends with 7 girls (6 in one main group and 1 outside the group). And i tell you this 6 girls together never works. The first to go was the person was the that I thought was my best friend here, But because I fell for the boy that she liked (That tragic story is for another day) and the boy liked me back, she decided I had stolen him. Which for the record I did not intentionally fall for him, actually I started liking him before he left for the summer (during I lost most intrest) and when he got back she was all into him, so I said I'd help her get him. But while trying to convince him to be with I felt myself falling for him. It's was like destiny, true love. She didn't see it that way, and she hated me for being happy. She started awful rumors and lies about me. In one month I had a reputation that I never deserved. She by herself destoried my high school experience, ruined the relationship that was destin to be (more on that another day) and reminded me why I didn't trust girls.


Then there were 5 in the group, and I'll tell you this if 6 was hard 5 is even worse. Because one day they simple decided they didn't want to be around any more. (and that was what one of them told me after I had been the only person that came to her rescue (another day). They simple stopped inviting me, not sitting by me at lunch, bus, class and then they just dimissed me when I tried. I'm the kind of girl that you have to punch in the gut to get her to cry but the abandonment I felt at that time brought me to probably one of the hardest crys of my life. And so after I was through crying, I adapted changed and grew a hell alot stronger.
 I realized that I could stand on my own two feet and keep my head up high. I'm pretty grateful I got kicked out when I did because all the betrayl and backstabbing that happened in that group of 4 girls but them through hell and back. (again another day). There's 2 of the the 6 of that i have any contact with and mainly it through facebook. The one girl on the side was my first friend in utah and one of the closest friends i've got (thanks Paige for being my friend) To all the rest of you girls, have a nice life. and please stay away. Sometimes I wonder how come why I can't understand girls even though. I am one!


So this explains we I don't have a best friend that a girl. But I had many wonderful best friends, later to be boyfriends, through out high school. But unfortanly None could measure up to my destiny love, but yet again a post for another day (theyll be a whole post on it) And thus I got bored, and hurt so many times slowly I've felt like I've forgotten how to love somebody and even more importanly letting anyone love me.


Simple Im scared of never finding love again and even more scared of finding it. But luckily I am young and I do have time to find him.
But for now I am ready to date and have those butterfly fellings with somebody that feels the same towards me. And I look forward to finding that person that you have that "thing" with.


That 'thing' that makes the whole world stop


It's now two am and this hopeless romantic, and passionate girl need to go to bed. Sorry the post is spacey and random. But remember it's not for you, it's for me!