The past is the worst thing about living
you can't do anything about it
you can't change it
all you can do is be haunted by it visions
and the memories will never go away

the memories is the worst thing about the past
You can't sit in the spot you used to read
because you can hear his voice reading to you aloud
YOu can't sleep on your old side of the bed
because you can remember him singing you to sleep
You can't make shapes in the celining
because your never ending contest fills your head
Never again can you sing your favorite song
because it was The song
You can't bare to even look at your favorite dress
for the way he's eyes sparkled fills you thoughts
You must never look down at your left hand
because it lays bare of the ring you had to throw away

Leave

Leave
Tried very hard to please you,
Tried so hard to make you smile,
But why could you never trust me
Why did you leave??
When we were just beginning
You held me so close,
and yet so far,
The attraction was pure and true,
So why could you walk away so easy
And now I'm breakin down,
Now I'm trying to forget,
Burning away our pictures and memories,
How could you leave?
You said you Loved me
I'm still fight back these stupid tears
To this very day
You walk right past me,
Do you even see me?
The girl said you needed
And now I'm breakin down,
Now I'm trying to forget,
Burning away our pictures and memories,
How could you leave?
You said you Loved me
I loved you,
you said the same thing back to me,
So how could you leave?

Haha it's rather sad but I found it in one of my folders, and I liked it the emotion. No I'm not an emo anymore but I wrote so pretty good stuff during that time :P well read it when your feeling this way and know you can connect with someone and life does get better, trust me I've been there and now I'm higher than the misery swamp i once called home. The stars are so beautiful above the fog :)

Remember: in honor of 911

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free." ~Ronald Reagan~
Please everybody take a moment tonight and tomorrow and remember the people who died on this dark day. Please Remember the brave soldiers that have died overseas because of this war that insued after this day. Please Remember that because of these soldier we sleep calmly tonight while thier families go to bed with the knowledge they'll be always one empty chair at the dinner table.
Freedom is not free, it is bought by Courage, Faith, Blood, Tears and most of all Hope. Please Always Remember that this is our land, Our Home! We Must stand together as one Country, One People, and One Hope for a better tomorrow!!
Bless the families with empty chairs and think of the unsung heros that gave up thier lives protect the country they fought for and loved. Bless the childern that will never know a parent. Bless the spouses that sleep alone tonight in bed much to big for one. Bless the parents who had to bury a child because thier is Nothing in this world is more heartbreaking than a mother's tears. Please don't let these lives be wasted! Please Remember not to forget.

reach for it :)

Wonderful moments, memories and friend are some thing you have to reach for :)

Have Fun reaching for the stars <3

And Don't be afraid to spread you wings and fly!!

Another start

Looking back into the past,
Now it doesn’t hurt to remember at last,
Searching through old memories,
Rubbing away such as a abrasive of emery,
Opening the wounds of anew,
So I can share them with myself and even you,

The way I now smiled was unlike before,
A shining in his eyes that I adored,
The sun was brighter,
My steps were lighter,
Laughing came as easy as breathing,
It felt like Power inside could help you do anything,
People were happy all around,
The world played a beautiful sound,

But every song must end,
And every sun must descend,
The sound of when you heart breaks,
Is never one you can never mistake?
The words etched on that page,
Felt like being locked in a cage,
Frightful, regretful, mournful, and sorrowful,
How could a simple tear be so powerful?
How could the one you loved so much,
Hurt you so badly with just withdrawing from you touch?

The perfect moment doesn’t live on forever.
Can anything last? No not ever,
It’s alright never to forget your first love,
The feeling you feel is even hard to speak of,
It’s was first time you felt whole,
Entwined with another soul,
A place you belonged,
Unfortunately that place has died and is gone,

First loves come and go,
At least that’s what I know,
I know the impression of that first love,
Well stay with even when you return to above,
But the other thing I know,
After your heart heals it starts to grow,
When your first love is gone,
Finding another person to love is not wrong, I know

Happiness is around the corner,
Take a chance and open you heart to foreigner,
A person ready to love you is out there,
First loves are precious and rare,
But finding someone that will always care and love you,
Is kind of love that will grow strong and true.

Another one of my favorite poems i've written

gambit sketch

The start of my epic picture of Gambit my favorite comic character :D oh I adore him!!!

Sweet Dreams

So many times I've laid awake,
going over my countless mistakes,
wondering why I couldn't be better,
reminding myself with his goodbye letter,
But the day I decide to start again,
was the day my sorrow started to end,
seeing others and new faces,
With friends emptiness got replaced,
Then I ran into him,
I fell stupidly just on a pure whim,
I never thought he would care about me,
Over time I started to see,
That he cared for me too,
The connection became true,
So tonight I'll sleep without tears and screams,
Because you said 'good night and sweet dreams'

written a very time ago and i just was rereading it. I just wanted to post it

music connects

Here's the guy of the headphone pair, there supose to be together, but I already posted the other one. So only the music connects them even over time and distances :)

Sailing

I love sailboats and sailing! This idea just kinda just came this afternoon, It's much prettier in person (you can't see the gitter watercolors that my the sun sprakle and the water shimmer), but anyways here it is

just listen

Here is my art post based of my last post :) enjoy, it's one of my favorites!!!

Music is what feelings sound like

Hiya again!
It's so late but when you can't sleep what better thing to than to write another blog entry! (well I think it a good idea, I could be wrong though)
So to explain the horrible thing that I had to face two days ago, it was the terrible (promise not to laugh).....hospital!!! Oh I HATE hospitals!! I couldn't tell you why, but I hate even standing in the lobby! I had to go there to see my new niece but I still I did Not like it. Thankfully I left as soon as possible, so I survived! Also I have discovered how to exactly to solve a case of the hospital willies with a large cold diet coke and cotton candy!! It was so perfect, thank you universe fates :)
Okay on too less eerie subjects, and on to one my favorite things in the whole world!! I even got to witness it today even, what is it?? you say well I guess I'll tell you.....rain :D!!! Rain hs to be one of the best things in the world!!! It could rain everyday and I would be happy forever!!

So that was Written a few days Ago. And it's now being posted.

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”

Alright on today’s subject, this is a thought I was thinking about yesterday while driving from job to job for my 17 hours of working ( I'm a crazy workaholic I know and so do my sore feet) but anyways back to my thought. As I was blasting my screaming rock song I felt my favorite part of some music, what is it? you say let me enlighten you. :P
Have you ever been listening to a song So loud that it seems quiet? I have this feeling quite a lot (actually as much as possible) maybe that's why I think I love screaming emo music or why I love listening to music at an ear deafening tone. It's my quiet place, my safe haven....my euphoria. In that the whole world is blocked out and it's just me, my thoughts and my existence. Can I tell how wonderful and surreal the feeling is??? No I do not have the words to describe what it feels like... Just trust me it's amazing. As I sit in that euphoric state my mind clears of worries, problems, things that make me angry or upset are all pushed out of mind and my music acts as a wall to keep it from returning. The music numbs me and cleans my slate, but that's not why I love it. Anyone can be numb.
As I sit in my music fortress, after my mind has been emptied, then what happens next is one of my secrets that only someone really listening will be able to hear it will it. It's the ghost of a song, the lullaby lost in the chaos which soothes the soul and is the reason that I feel so good after listening to my music. It's some times it's the cords that are usually forgotten or sometimes it might be the song that got lost and never can be found except by those seeking it. But the time I love ghost songs, the most is when one soft violin or acoustic guitar sings it’s lullaby softy enough to put you to asleep. It’s a wonder that I love and maybe I’m alone in this love, but that just means I have it all to my self J till next time which I think will be soon. I’m kinda liking this blogging thing.

Fox :) (and sun :P)

So I figure that my first art post should be one of my favorite animal and of my style. So here's a Fox in my tribal style. Enjoy!

The first blog

Hiya
So I'm about to do something I have never done before in my life....blog, which in my book is basically keeping a diary but unlike a diary I will (try to) write more than one entry, you know the one where you write down your age, likes and dislikes and about the lesson that was about keeping journal for future generations (which was the thing that guilted you into writing the entry in the first place), Also other people can read it. But the weird thing about starting this blog today was that I'm not being guilted into it, I'm doing it...well for me, and yes if you were me, that would be the very eerie part about it. So…. About now you should be asking your self who is this person and how did they get access to jays email?? But believe it or not it is really me writing this.
I guess in the great tradition of all great journals/blogs, I should tell you a little about myself to start my story. Where to begin? and the great answer to that question is at the beginning but who really decides where the beginning is (think about that for a while and see where you mind ends up :P)
Okay now I'll be serious (well for the most part) Alright basics: the name is Jay but I also go by Jax, i like my names :D 3 is a good number. I'm a high school graduate who very clueless about what she wants to be when she grows up. For the most part I'm an average quiet girl (more like one of the boys than a girly gal though.)
I'm 5'7 with average brown hair and blue-green-gray eyes (depending on my mood but that's a topic for another post) I live in jeans, and t-shirt whether they be a polo, work shirt or in band shirts. My family simple dad, mom, older married brother (married with soon to be 2 little girls), older sister (married and gave birth to her little girl today, actually) then I have a little sister (whose not married just case your wondering ;P)
Now here comes the passions in my life or in my words the things I’m totally a geek about. I'm going to keep them short cause I'll probably blog them at a later time (lucky you) so my first on my list of many things I geek about are animals, they've been a biggest passion ever since before I could roll over. They are my everything, meaning I Love LOVE animals and not just the cute normal ones all of them including things like spiders, sharks, snakes, rats, and other things most people don't adore but I love them all animals (except mosquitoes they don’t count) but that's something to obsesses about another day.
Another thing I am very passionate about is art. I discovered I could draw almost 2 years and there hasn't been a days since without some kind art, weather it's drawing, painting, ceramics, making jewelry or art in words (Aka poetry). Which I'm hoping to post a piece of art with the very least with each blog post, but I'm hoping I’ll be motivated to post more.
There's many more things I ‘geek’ about but they’ll appear at a later time.
Being me I have many dislikes and fears but why dwell on that ugly picture, I'll just let them flow out when they come up.
Well there’s the basics, this blogging stuff has been kinda odd cuz how much I've written, I usually don’t like writing but I'm not excepting anyone ever to read this, so maybe that’s why I’ve written more than my norm.
Well until my next post which I believe will be very very soon because about to face one of things I hate most, what is it you say you'll just have to read my next post. So here's my first art post which is poem hahaha of course it's a blog :P since it's the who I am post why not end it with a poem about who I am.

I am the ocean blue,
While sailing through
I am a sneaky fox
Slinking behind the crowds,
I am a hammock,
Laid back yet strong,
I am the old book shop,
Forgotten and holding fond memories,
I am the rain,
Connects hearts like earth does the sky,
I am the violin in rock song,
Quiet but always heard,
I am the word euphoria,
Behind stormy eyes.